Thank you for visiting my new author’s site. I sincerely hope you’ve taken a few moments to browse around, because (quite frankly) there’s a lot of good stuff on here and even more good stuff to come!

As you can see, this new site features a blog, so I’ll be blogging on here from now on instead of on my previous stand-alone WordPress site. That said, I’ve migrated all of my posts from 2016 forward over (please find them below), To read posts from 2015 and back, please visit my old site at peterndudar.wordpress.com.

Thank you again for your interest in, and support of, my writing!

 

(Originally published September 2, 2018 on peterndudar.wordpress.com)

Sing this to the tune of “Royals” by Lorde, and you’ll totally get what it’s like to be a writer.

I’ve never seen an author so depressed.

I cut my teeth on Stephen King books and movies.

And I worked so hard to find success,

Here on Amazon, Bestseller Envy!

But every story’s like Boring/Hackneyed/Dull and  Soporific,

Lacking Substance/Lame and So Pathetic

We don’t care…We’re winning Shirley Jacksons in our dreams.

But every page has got ink stains/typos/underlines and dog ears,

plot holes/adverbs/ lousy grammar/dried tears

We don’t care–we aren’t caught up in our own despair!

And we’ll  never be famous (famous)

It’s a bummer, I’ll admit/nobody really gives a shit/why the hell don’t we just quit?

If I could only write smoother (smoother), get myself some dignity,

Then baby, I’d rule/I’d rule/I’d rule/I’d rule…Let me live that fantasy.

 

My friends and I, we’ve cracked the code,

We trade our dollars and our books out of pity.

And everyone who knows us knows/we’re all decent guys…but our writing’s shitty!

But every story’s like Boring/Hackneyed/Dull and Soporific,

Lacking Substance/Lame and So Pathetic

We don’t care…We’re winning Shirley Jacksons in our dreams.

But every page has got ink stains/typos/underlines and dog ears,

plot holes/adverbs/ lousy grammar/dried tears

We don’t care–we aren’t caught up in our own despair!

And we’ll  never be famous (famous)

It’s a bummer, I’ll admit/nobody really gives a shit/why the hell don’t we just quit?

If I could only write smoother (smoother), get myself some dignity,

Then baby, I’d rule/I’d rule/I’d rule/I’d rule…Let me live that fantasy.

Oh-oh-oh…Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh…

And we’re in love with indie press…the only ones who print our mess!

Oh-oh-oh…Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh…

Alcohol is always there…we aren’t caught up in our own despair!

And we’ll  never be famous (famous)

It’s a bummer, I’ll admit/nobody really gives a shit/why the hell don’t we just quit?

If I could only write smoother (smoother), get myself some dignity,

Then baby, I’d rule/I’d rule/I’d rule/I’d rule…Let me live that fantasy.

(Originally published May 24, 2018 on peterndudar.wordpress.com)

We lost a friend and a champion with the passing of Donnie Parks.

I honestly can’t remember the first time I met him. Nor can I remember a version of Don without the mustache and the glasses. His looks really didn’t change that much over the years, and there’s some comfort to that regularity about him. He was one of those guys who was just always there, whether processing mail beside you on the workroom floor or doing official union business in the APWU office. Donnie was one of those guys I really came to trust when having to go about filing grievances or handling conflicts that I’ve had to endure over my years as a postal worker.  And I’m not the only one.

It’s not polite to bite the hand that feeds you, but we’ve all been force-fed shit sandwiches during our time in the USPS. In the world of business, there are days when the USPS feels like the McDonalds of crappy employers; Home of the McShit Sandwich. And if it wasn’t the headaches from the management side of the job, you also have a working environment that feels like a thirty-year jaunt in high school. It gets old fast. It can wear you down as the years creep by. But Don Parks was always there, and he was one of the good guys. Don would actually sit and listen to you, no matter how bad you were bent out of shape. He cared, and he could calm you down and help you make sense out of the worst drama. And he usually could at least make you chuckle about your situation before he was done. Don Parks was one of us. The guy knew how our postal contract works and how the system works, and he was damn good at his job.

Here’s the thing my mind keeps coming back to tonight; when you’ve worked a job for decades with the same people, you reach an understanding about them. Sometimes it’s not even noticeable, but then one day you look at somebody and notice the gray hair and the wrinkles and the crows’ feet around the eyes, and it just hits you that you’ve spent all those years watching your coworkers growing old right along with you. You pass certain milestones, and they’re there in the background either cheering you on or picking you up when you’ve fallen down. Right up until the end, Don was enquiring about my daughters or how my writing career was going. I’d tell him that my older daughter was in junior high and my younger was learning to read, and more often than not I’d tell him, “I don’t know where the time goes.” And that’s the truth. Because life goes by way too fast, sometimes.

We used to go out to breakfast over the years, after punching off the clock in the morning. We’d meet up at Ruskie’s or Sully’s or a bunch of other joints that were willing to open up at six a.m. and feed us and serve us beers. Don usually would show up late, but he’d find his way in and join us for a couple of drinks. We’d always swear there was to be “no shop talk” once the work day was over, but we all know we’re full of shit and just looking for an ear to bitch about some nonsense or other that we had to deal with. It’s human nature. But Donnie was there to listen and to tell us what was going on behind the scenes that we might not have been aware of. And he was funny. Goddamn it, Don Parks was funny as hell. It’s my understanding that Don really didn’t have a family, and it always felt as if he looked to us to fill that vacuum for him. WE were his family, and I’m not the least bit embarrassed to admit that I loved the guy, and that I’m going to miss his smile. It’s going to take time to get used to the Portland Processing and Distribution Center without bumping into him, and shooting the shit with him about the job, or the Patriots, or what’s going on in my life, because he really didcare. He cared about usand fought like hell for usover the years. Don valued fairness and justice because these things are worth valuing. He was honest and had no problem telling you if your complaint was petty, and that’s something that I always admired and respected in him.

It’s always difficult saying goodbye to one of our Postal Family. We always hope and pray that our brothers and sisters are able to retire—hopefully still young and in good health–and to live out that “Happily Ever After” we all ought to be entitled to after decades of working the job and eating the shit sandwiches that come with it. It doesn’t seem like too much to ask. Don deserved to live out his “Happily Ever After”, and part of me is filled with despair now that he never will. But his memory will live on with us. I won’t be able to pass by the smoking area or walk through the halls without seeing Don’s mustache and glasses, and that cocky smile on his face. Don Parks was our brother and our champion, and he will not be forgotten.

Thank you, Donnie. For everything.

(Originally published March 10, 2018 on peterndudar.wordpress.com)

Today I will be talking with fellow Grinning Skull Press author Stuart R. West about his novel Dread and Breakfast. I recently finished reading the book and loved it. DABis a first-rate mystery thriller (and not the book-of-the-month tea cozy kind, but the kind with high-octane tension and a nightmare ending that leaves your jaw hanging), set in the Dandy Drop Inn during the “storm of the century”. Welcome, Stuart, and congrats on what I consider a master-class exercise in pacing and tension building. Let’s take a trip together to Hilston, Missouri and uncover some horror.

SRW: Hey, thanks for the kind words and having me on your blog, Peter. I had a lotta fun writing Dread and Breakfast, even if it was a chore keeping track of my characters at any given moment.

PND: Let’s talk about characters. Because in order to sell this kind of violent, shocking thrill ride, you really have to establish realistic characters with honest motivations. Let’s begin with our protagonists, Rebecca Stanchfield and her daughter Kyra, who are running away from a toxic marriage to husband and father, Brad. What set off their unplanned exodus from their home in Kansas?

SRW: Rebecca’s in an abusive marriage. She’s put up with her husband’s physical and emotional abuse, pretty much overlooking it, trapped, justifying it as part of her wifely duties. Sadly, this is true for many abusive relationships. But when Brad hits their daughter, Kyra, Rebecca wakes up and flees.

PND: One of the things that I found remarkable about this book is that you were able to bring nine strangers together in this one place, with seven of them actually being antagonists with their own agendas. And based on those agendas, you built this nifty spider web of conflicts and plot points as the story unfolds and it’s damn near impossible to predict how things are going to turn out. How much of the story did you have to outline? Did you ever feel as if the story took a life of its own?

SRW: I’ve never been an outliner. Usually, once I have a good feel for the characters, they pretty much write themselves. I’m just moving them around in Dread and Breakfast’s cat-and-mouse chess game. As I noted above, though, it was real work, making sure I had the characters in the right place at the right time. Post-it notes were used! A first for me. Oddly enough, I drew inspiration for the book from French drawing room farces where characters bounce in and out of the plot (and rooms). Just very macabre.

PND: We know that Brad is a rage-a-holic police officer, but the depth of his delusional anger and jealousy are staggeringly frightening. It’s almost as if he’s devoid of any kind of emotion or sense of compassion. If there is a character arc for him, it only gets worse as the story goes on. I certainly don’t want to drop any spoilers, but it almost feels like you were doing this for the sake of misdirecting the reader’s attention off of the otherantagonists. Because not everyone in this book is who they appear to be. Is that fair to say?

SRW: Extremely fair. So fair that I feel like a cheater. I’m playing head games with the reader in this book. Everyone’s wearing a mask (except for Kyra), which I kinda find fascinating. Misdirection is key and I hope that I’m successful in fooling the reader at least once.

PND: After Rebecca’s car loses control, she and Kyra are rescued by Deputy Randy Gurley. I kind of got the impression early on that Randy (and Hilston, itself) is caught up in a kind of 20^thCentury Americana; an archetypical cross between Norman Rockwell and Andy Griffith. It becomes even more evident later when Rebecca and Kyra meet Jim and Dolores Dandy. Were you going for that kind of isolated/insolated vibe when establishing setting and with the characters, themselves?

SRW: You nailed it, Peter. I live in Godforsaken Kansas and it’s where I set most of my books. Frankly, the Midwest is damn creepy, perfect fodder for horror. Like the characters in the book, the rural, homey setting is pleasantly Americana on the surface with rot and evil lurking beneath, ready to explode. After all, Kansas is where students are allowed to carry guns on college campuses, the Ku Klux Klan and the mafia are still active, devil worshipping is a hobby, meth is a way of life, and “kissing cousins” is taken to extremes. Yet, when the Midwest is represented in popular entertainment, it’s always the “aw, shucks” Mayberry family values picture. Making America great again! Ram tough! Yeah!

Sorry. Got carried away. Anyway, this is the Midwest as I see it. And, yes, there’s nothing more isolating than the rural areas, particularly during “snowmageddon.”

PND: I have to confess, Jim and Dolores reminded me a lot of Farmer Vincent and Ida from MOTEL HELL. They have that sugary, homespun vibe about them where good manners and generosity are the key to their exterior image. Their notion of “date night” (at least to me) really hinges on being darkly comedic. Were they fun characters for you to write? How much time did you spend in their heads as you were moving the story forward?

SRW: Well, yeah, I like MOTEL HELL, too. As a writer, dark humor’s my favorite thing to dabble in. Now, there’s a fine line when bringing humor to horror. Many readers (and a LOT of horror writers) are usually skeptical. When they see there’s humor in a horror book, their eyes glaze over and they immediately envision a stupid, silly Leslie Nielsen spoof. But I position horror first, always taking the plot and characters seriously, with real consequences at play. To me, horror skips hand-in-hand with dark humor. There’s not a huge difference. You mentioned MOTEL HELL, but most great horror films (The Texas Chainsaw Massacre, An American Werewolf in London, The Howling, etc.) have a dark stream of humor coursing through their unhealthy veins.

Regarding Jim and Dolores Dandy, it would’ve been very easy for them to lapse into caricature, and that was kinda the point. I wanted them to appear “down home” and “good folk.” But, as with everyone in the book, there’s more to them than their presentation. And, yep, they were a blast to write.

PND: They have a surrogate child in Christian, the Inn’s host. And with his introduction, I started paying attention to the names of your characters. Christian, obviously, means Christ-like, but he’s characterized as tall and lanky, and almost effeminate. One of the other characters, an extreme evangelical named Heather, calls him gay and very desperately wants to bring him to God. That conflict alone is intense. But we learn that Heather Goodenow (again with the attention to naming) and her newlywed husband Tommy are just as broken and irredeemable as Brad. Once the Goodenows check into the Inn, and we know Brad is on his way, we’re already facing a volatile cocktail to come. And you’re only getting started…

SRW: Christian was based on the host of a bed and breakfast my wife and I stayed at (and never will again! Talk about creepy…). He resembled Phillip Seymour Hoffman, very giggly, flamboyant and big. But I didn’t want to make Christian a stereotype, so I flipped him. Everyone thinks he’s gay, but he’s not. Again, the theme of people being different than their appearance. Same goes for the Goodenows. Definitely not what they appear to be. As you noted, there’s a lot going on at this particular bread and breakfast.

PND: You also have Harold Carsten, an accountant who just stole nearly a million dollars from mob boss Vincent Dominick. Harold, like Rebecca, is also on the run, but he walks the line of unreliable character. You don’t know which direction his character arc will lead, and if there’s any kind of escape or redemption waiting for him. Likewise, he’s pursued by Winston Ashford, a very hesitant assassin who was sent by Dominick to retrieve his money. Each of these characters builds some kind of personal relationship with Rebecca and Kyra. The author in me was fascinated by how you were pulling the strings with each of these characters. I almost felt sorry for Harold and wanted to see him find that redemption. Was that ever a possibility in your mind?

SRW: Yeah. Harold was my favorite character and I found myself rooting for him. It kinda surprised me as I thought Winston would be The Guy. I mean, Harold’s not very likable, but as the book progressed, I found myself emphasizing with him and understanding him. He became my underdog everyman. I love when that happens while writing. I did consider a different ending for Harold, but the dictates of horror chose otherwise. As for finding redemption? I don’t want to give anything away, but I think he does.

PND: The moment where the book really went into overdrive was when Kyra sneaks off through the house and finds an upstairs bedroom filled with creepy old dolls. That was the moment when my blood ran cold and I could tell you were foreshadowing toward something really dark and foreboding. It’s the moment when the Inn’s secret passages are exposed and that Jim and Dolores Dandy are hiding their own secret. I think the tone and atmosphere you created in this scene really set the stage for act 2.

SRW: Peter, there’s nothing creepier than dolls, I think. And a whole room of them? But, yeah, the scene foreshadows things to come. Dolls on a larger scale.

PND: The rest of the novel is what mystery writers refer to as “the game of cat and mouse”, only with so many antagonists moving against each other, it’s a grueling race to find out who will survive by the end of the story. Again, I don’t want to give away any major spoilers, but I’ll say that I was on the edge of my seat as I tore through the pages. The climax of the book was an unexpected nightmare that blindsided me. It harkened to an almost cosmic noir flip that greatly reminded me of an old 80s movie called AMERICAN GOTHIC. I’m wondering what books or films inspired you to move DABin that direction?

SRW: I remember AMERICAN GOTHIC. Wasn’t that the one with creepy Michael J. Pollard as a dimwitted farmhand and a swing? (I’ve seen every horror film I can get my hands on from the ‘60’s to the ‘80’s, the golden age). Anyway, all of those Midwest, regional cheap horror films played an influence, from Texas Chainsaw to Motel Hell and even Psycho. But my night at a b&b probably played the biggest influence.

PND: I wanted to briefly mention the cover art by Jeffrey Kosh. It’s a classic Victorian manse in the middle of a blizzard, but the house is crowning this gorgeous skull so that it looks like a deformity as much as it does a shelter from the storm. It’s just beautiful. Do you remember the moment when you first saw it, and what was your reaction?

SRW: I was stunned. Truly. I’ve written 19 novels, and it’s by far my favorite cover. Jeffrey did a bang-up job and I asked him if those great TOR paperback covers from the ‘80’s inspired him. They did.

PND: What are you working on at the moment?

SRW: I’m polishing my first short story collection to be published by Grinning Skull Press. Again, there’s black humor and horror intermingling uncomfortably within the pages. The final novella is one of my favorite pieces, a nightmarish excursion into the deep, deep underground of Kansas City. Literally. I’m also tossing around the notion of a werewolf book.

PND: Are you following any contemporary authors at the moment?

SRW: Can’t say that I’m specifically following any single author at the moment. But I keep going back to Elmore Leonard. He was able to do so much with so little and made it appear easy. There’s a lot to be learned from his books. Oh, and I’m very much enjoying your book, The Goat Parade! It’s creepily sublime.

PND: Thank you for saying so! My final question: In terms of quality of the work being produced lately in the genre, it really feels like we’re entering a new Golden Age of Horror. To me, it feels like there’s a shift toward moving horror away from the pulp end of the spectrum and back to the respectable, literary side. What is your take on the genre and where do you hope to see it go in the future?

SRW: I agree with you. There’s still a lot of pulp work being churned out by small and large publishers, but what I’ve seen from Grinning Skull Press encourages me. I’m impressed by the quality and literary nature. It’d be great to bring respectability back to the horror table. Sure, blood and guts have their place, but I like the more interesting and different books.

PND: Thank you so much for joining me tonight. Congrats on a terrific book and best of luck with your career.

SRW: Thank you, Peter. Keep your chainsaws spinning (or something).

(Originally published November 30, 2017 on peterndudar.wordpress.com)

Last night, after L.L. Soares and I were interviewed for an upcoming episode of The Taco Society Presents, we joined hosts Tony Tremblay and Philip Perron for dinner at a local Mexican restaurant called Shorty’s.  The interviews continued when Philip pulled out a small recorder and captured a much more intimate discussion for his podcast Dark Discussions.  The feeling was laid back and we had a great time laughing and sharing tales of the author life, but there was one topic brought up when the mic was turned off that was of genuine importance and I feel needs to be shared.  So I’m bringing it up here, where I can expound on it in greater detail.

If you’re new to the publishing world, you’re going to want to pay attention.  If you’ve been around the block a few times, you already know.  Are you ready?

PROMOTING YOUR FICTION ON SOCIAL NETWORK SITES IS A WASTE OF TIME.

Didja catch that? I’ll repeat it.

PROMOTING YOUR FICTION ON SOCIAL NETWORK SITES IS A WASTE OF TIME.

Tony commented to me that he noticed I’ve been very low profile lately on Facebook, and that I really don’t do a lot to promote myself.  That’s because I’ve come to the realization that dropping Amazon links every other post does nothing to endear you to the folks on your friends list, and it sure as hell doesn’t convince anyone to stop what they’re doing, run to Amazon and buy your book.  It doesn’t work that way.  Right now, America is in a bit of a shit-show.  Most folks are going online to vent their frustration, find more reasons to get angry, or self-medicate on pictures of kittens and puppies.  I noticed long ago that my posts about my author life get a handful of likes (and not from the general populace, but from other authors trying to be supportive) whereas if I post funny anecdotes about my life or cute pictures of my daughters, I get scores of hearts and thumbs-ups.  So I’ve made a conscious effort to post less about politics and things that get my boxers twisted around the family jewels and more about things that will make people smile and feel like normal human beings again.  That’s where we are as a society.

But that’s only step one.  Step two is to share links about OTHER authors’ new books, or even better yet, publish reviews about them.  Because nobody wants to hear you toot your own horn, but they are generally interested in what you’re reading.  Cross-promotion works!  If I post a photograph of myself holding up the autographed copy of Ed Kurtz’s new short story collection (that just arrived in the mail) between the silly, embarrassing post about the conversation I just had with my pre-teen daughter and a pic of the awesome dinner I just cooked for the family, people don’t recognized the fact that I’ve just subconsciously spammed them.  I’m removing the “telemarketer” implication of forced advertisement and showing them a genuinely happy version of myself…and they’re recognizing my sense of happiness and responding to it.  It’s really that simple.

What I started doing was to share pictures of other authors’ cover artwork with the simple hashtag #myfriendswritebooks.  All people have to do is click on that hashtag and it takes them instantly to a treasure-trove of cover art, book reviews, and Amazon links.  Here’s the thing: I already know that I’m not going to buy a new author’s book just because (s)he posted a link to it.  I need to hear positive feedback from authors I know and respect, verifying that someone’s new book is worth checking out.  There’s just far too many new books to choose from and I don’t have the cash to buy them all, nor the time to sift through the crappy ones to find that hidden jewel in the dung heap.  It’s a sad reality that there are too many new writers who want instant success without the heartache of paying their dues.  The world of self-publishing has enabled a generation of not-yet-ready authors to flood the market without the benefit of rejection letters and the harsh critiques they really need to grow as writers.  I don’t say this to be mean-spirited or judgmental, but as my own personal admonishment that readers who take a chance on these new authors and are turned off by shoddy, substandard writing almost NEVER leave good reviews, nor do they take a second chance on these writers.  It really does pay in dividends to serve that apprenticeship the rest of us went through and submit your work to established publishing houses and use their feedback to perfect your craft.

Preventing ourselves from saturating Facebook with spam is a good idea, but that doesn’t mean we can’t bend the rules every now and then.  It is YOUR Facebook page, after all, and it is healthy to want to share the good news of a story sale or give a first-look at your new cover artwork or announce an upcoming event you plan to attend.  It’s still a good thing to let the world know that you’re happy, and definitely that you’re thankful for the help and support others have given.  That recognition really does go a long way.  When you start doing this, you’ll begin to notice that other authors are tagging YOU in their posts.  When this happens, you become a part of something bigger, something exciting, and suddenly people are noticing you!  They’re seeing you without all that jelly-like shit they pack spam in to keep it fresh, and guess what?  YOU’RE FREAKIN’ BEAUTIFUL.

It’s daunting trying to be both a serious writer AND your own marketing strategist.  There will be days when it feels like you’re a lost soul, shouting from the rooftop that you’ve just published a new book and it is awesome and the whole world should read it.  The reality is there are also THOUSANDS of other writers doing that very same thing, and a whole world of readers down in the world below who just want silence so they can continue enjoying what they’re already reading.  Don’t let social networking be your rooftop.  Don’t shout on deaf ears.  And definitely don’t be known as that author who shares links in every other post.  Find better ways to build an audience.  Work smarter, not harder.  Cross-promotion really does work better for you, and it feels damn good to elevate your friends and see them find success.  What goes around comes around, and in time they will elevate you.

(Originally published June 25, 2017 on peterndudar.wordpress.com)

A CONVERSATION WITH L.L. SOARES

Interview by Peter N. Dudar

It is my privilege to welcome my friend and mentor, the Bram Stoker Award-winning author L.L. Soares. Tonight we’ll be discussing his newly released novel BURIED IN BLUE CLAY, produced by Post Mortem Press and available now at Amazon. Welcome, L.L., and congrats on your new book. I freakin’ loved it and can’t wait to talk about it.

L.L. Soares:Thanks, Pete.

Dudar: The novel is told from first-person POV, and the thing that pops out immediately is that the protagonist’s name is Redmond “Reddy” Soames. That’s only one letter off from Soares. Was this intentional and is the character in some way autobiographical?

Soares: Yeah, it was intentional. But I’m definitely not the first person to do that (having a literary alter ego). I’m carrying on a tradition by people like Charles Bukowski who had a character named Henry Chinaski (his first name was Henry and people called him Hank in real life) who narrated just about all of his stuff. William S. Burroughs had Bill Lee. I always liked the name Freddy, and Reddy was close. My father-in-law’s middle name is Redmond, so I took that. And Soames is close enough to Soares to make a reader scratch their heads. Reddy is not me, but there are aspects of him that are from my life. Like most writers and their characters. It also puts my voice right in the middle of the action.

Dudar: His “adventure” seems very Bukowski-esque. He has that “unreliable character” feel about him, and that sense of open frankness about the world around him. The novel begins with him returning to Blue Clay, Massachusetts for a writing assignment. Can you maybe set the stage for what he’s getting into?

Soares: Bukowski is definitely a favorite writer of mine. And the original concept of the book was to write a horror novel from the point of view of a character who wasBukowski-like, that kind of feel. But it turned out a lot different. Reddy really is not that much like Bukowski, except that, when the book begins, he’s a hard drinking guy who feels like his life has stalled.

Dudar: The image of a coastal city with a beach made of blue clay seems very stunning and evocative, at least in my own imagination. It made me think of something Lovecraft might have imagined. How did you come up with that idea?

Soares: The other big hook here is that I set it in Blue Clay, Massachusetts, a setting that has appeared in several of my short stories. The stories have given little bits and pieces, but the novel gives us a bigger canvas, to really explore this fictional city in Massachusetts. I grew up in a place called New Bedford, Mass.,(Michael Arruda grew up in the same city), and it’s roughly the same size, population-wise, and there are a lot of little details about Blue Clay that might ring a bell for people who grew up in or know New Bedford well. So in that way, it’s a little more autobiographical, or at least personal, than my other books.

The idea was to come up with a fictional Massachusetts city that I guess would be sort of an Arkham of my own. Except, writing the stories and now the novel, Lovecraft wasn’t really at the front of my brain. It’s not like I wrote it thinking it would be Lovecraftian, or a pastiche of Lovecraft. I really wrote this trying to forge my ownthing—my own city, its own mythology and residents—that would be very different. The city’s name came first, before I wrote the first story, and the image of clay beach came to me. I toyed with Red Clay, a kind of bloody beach image, but that seemed a little bit cliché, so I went with Blue, which was more surreal. And once I had the name, Blue Clay, the rest fell into place from there.

I think the original idea was to write a bunch of stories set there, and maybe Mike Arruda would write some, too, since he also grew up in New Bedford, and it would grow from there. But I have to admit, as the city grew (and got more complicated), I decided to keep it all for myself.

Dudar: Part One of the book delves specifically with Reddy’s return home to Blue Clay to research a writing assignment concerning some strange phenomena that is going on there. When I first began reading, my response was that this was going to be a deep science fiction story, but it morphed very quickly into something darker. Is that fair to say?

Soares: Yeah, it starts out one way, and changes. Reddy does not end up in the same place—or even the same condition—as when it begins. I guess there are science fiction elements, but it’s certainly much more of a horror story.

Dudar: Or a monster story. And this book seems to have several. There are the “blue jellies”, the “manta ray”, the “centipedes”, and “the grub.” Each seems to have a different role in the story.

Soares: The jellies have appeared before in the short stories. I’m not sure if I named them at first. They just kind of appeared on the beach that gives Blue Clay its name. The rays are kind of a competing species that lives parallel to the jellies, but they’re not at war or anything. In fact, it’s doubtful they even interact. They just are, and just happen to coexist in the same area. The beach has a lot of power to it—you could call it a magical or sacred place I guess. The grubs and various bugs are like a third species that acts like protectors or bodyguards. The jellies and rays are kind of barely aware of us—don’t care about us—but the bugs are veryaware, and very dangerous. I toyed with some of these things in the short stories, but they were always mysterious and vague. The stories were meant to have a surreal feel to them. The novel is more like cracking open the egg and seeing what’s inside.

Dudar: You definitely succeeded there. Not to give spoilers or jump ahead, but the “special trait” of the mantas seriously blew my mind and made me queasy at the same time. Do you enjoy having that kind of effect on your readers?

Soares: I love doing the unexpected, blowing people’s minds, stuff like that, sure. Ever since I was a kid, my intention has always been to be as original as possible, to do things my own way. To really try to take people places they’ve never been before. And if my writing can take on the feel of what it’s like to be on a hallucinogen, let’s say…I love that.

Dudar: Having said this, how much of the novel was mapped out before you started writing and how flexible is the story as you are working on it?

Soares: I have a basic map of the city in my head. As for the plot, where it was going, I guess I plan it out incrementally. As in, I don’t try to see the whole thing from the start. I just see so far—and I move in that direction—and then I see a little more. If I knew everythingbeforehand–saw the entire picture from the start—I think I’d lose interest. Even for the writer, there’s got to be a degree of mystery and spontaneity. I’m having a journey, too. It’s not as much fun to know all the answers beforehand.

Dudar: It seems in this book, your map of the city is just as invaluable as the characters, themselves. Even early on, Reddy meets with Frederick Bellows (a “blue jelly” enthusiast who has written his own books on the subject) and goes directly to the beach. But there’s also the Sidelong Glance Motel, the Walecock Manor, and The Fortress (which made me think immediately of The Eagles’ “Hotel California”). It seems like you had a lot of fun with it.

Soares: The Fortress was actually more influenced by the band Love than the Eagles. Love was this great 60s band that made a classic album called Forever Changes. And in real life, the lead singer, Arthur Lee, had a big old house he called The Castle, where all kinds of people would end up and stay there awhile. Love even has a song called “A House is Not A Motel” that refers to this. I was really into Love when I was writing this, listening to a lot of their music early on. I even mention them in passing in the book, but only a music nerd would get it. The Walecock thing is another long story entirely.

Dudar: Do you listen to music while you write?

Soares: Yeah, I listen to a lot of music as I write. All kinds of music. Jazz, rock, hardcore punk, death metal, all kinds of stuff, and it affects my mood, the feel of what I’m writing, I guess. And other times I just write in absolute silence, and I’m sure that creates its own mood or tone, too.

Dudar: There’s another musician later on in the book named Briana Blessed. Is she a loose caricature of someone?

Soares: Yeah, but I’m not sure if I want to give all the secrets away. But there’s a singer I saw once—it was such a spooky experience, it was a small audience and at one point she seemed to look right into my eyes, and it left a big impression on me that night. And it created the seed for the whole Briana storyline. Little touches like that—add to the personal feel of the book for me.

Dudar: I love that aspect of writing, that you have that luxury of secretly admitting things without any repercussions.

Soares: Yeah, and it’s mixed in with stuff that’s not real, and it’s all intertwined, and only you, or maybe a few people who are very close to you, get the references, and can separate the truth from the fiction. And that’s what storytelling is all about, right?

Dudar: Is it nerdy that I’m nodding emphatically right now?

Soares: Not at all. It means we’re on the same frequency, that’s all. I wish I had some MacAuley Bros. right about now.

Dudar: Now I’m grinning ear to ear. It was such a thrill to see you include that.

Soares: Yeah, for people who don’t know, you wrote this great novel called A REQUIEM FOR DEAD FLIES, about two brothers who are trying to make their own bourbon, the MacAuley brothers. In your book, the bourbon doesn’t really happen, but in a couple of my books it’s very real. Our editor Bob Wilson put it in my book LIFE RAGEas kind of an in-joke (both books were published by Nightscape Press). We needed the name of a brand of bourbon that a character is drinking. And it pops up briefly in BURIED IN BLUE CLAY. I’m trying to keep the whole thing alive. Don’t be surprised if the brand pops up again sometime.

Dudar: Getting back to the book, you started out with a science fiction premise but the book diverges rapidly into a conspiracy-theory type mystery. As Reddy finds himself on the seedy side of the city, he begins noticing strange graffiti on billboards and brick walls. It seems as if he’s stumbling into a kind of a cult.

Soares: Yeah, the whole HEKthing.

Dudar: I found it interesting that you truncated Killian’s name like that.

Soares: Yeah, it was the whole JFK, LBJ thing. I always thought that was cool, people known by three letters, instead of their name. I can’t tell you why I liked it, but there’s a character who goes by his initials, HEK, in BURIED IN BLUE CLAY.

Dudar: Do cult figures fascinate you?

Soares: Yeah, sure. There’s definitely something of the cult leader in HEK. He’s definitely cut from that cloth. But unlike someone like Charles Manson, let’s say, who used his hold over people for evil, for killing, HEK is fairly benevolent in comparison. He’s a pretty benign cult leader.

Dudar: Yeah, I’d be hard pressed to consider HEK an antagonist.

Soares: And he’s Reddy’s guide into a part of the city few people have seen. HEK was kind of inspired by cult leaders, gurus, that type of stuff, and then there’s definitely some of (occult figure) Aleister Crowley in him, too. And at times you even wonder if he’s kind of a con-man. He definitely has access to real things that can blow your mind, but he’s also playing around with it, showing you just as much as he wants you to see.

Dudar: And THAT is what gives BURIED IN BLUE CLAYsuch a deliciously creepy feel to it. It seems like there are no real “safe” locations, and that there are risks and uncertainties abound. Early on, Reddy goes to visit an old childhood friend named Luke, and winds up staying a spell in that location. But you use that location to unmask some really dark shit…

Soares: Luke’s story is steeped in dark stuff. But you’re right–there’s no “safe place”–and that’s because Reddy gets exposed to this stuff he never knew about, and suddenly it’s not so clear what the rules are, why these things are happening, and he can never be sure who to trust.

Dudar: It sure kept me on my toes.

Soares: Early on, it’s the alcohol that keeps him confused and in a haze. He second-guesses himself, and isn’t always sure what’s real. Then he comes out of that and into a big outside world that is just as intoxicating.

Dudar: Plus he’s ducking and weaving the stream of phone calls from Zach, his editor, which is compounding his stress.

Soares: Reddy is a writer, but he’s never been a success at it. He wrote a few books years ago that went out of print right away, and he only gets the urban legend book gig because an old friend is throwing him a bone. And there’s always that question—will he even write the book? Will he ever finish it? The book answers that, but it’s a question mark for most of the book. And if he does write it, will anyone even read it?

Dudar: I love that thatelement is present, that as a writer I can fully appreciate that aspect of his character.

Soares: Yeah, in a lot of stories, if there’s a writer character, he’s usually like a bestselling writer or something. Reddy’s writing gig is only the way in—the reason to come back to Blue Clay—but it’s definitely not something he’s had any success at, or gotten any kind of respect for.

Dudar: Nor does he really seem to WANT to be there…

Soares: He definitely doesn’t. He got away a long time ago and only came back because he was desperate for the job. But he drinks way too much from the first day he gets there, to block it out. He does not want to be there at all. When HEK shows up, it piques his curiosity, and he sort of forgets how much being there makes him miserable. For a little while, anyway. But you notice, he keeps trying to leave, and things always pop up to get in his way.

Dudar: You really CAN’T go home again. But it’s a deeply disturbing notion that everything you thought you knew and understood about the world you grew up in had something deeply sinister below the surface.

Soares: Yeah, if you grow up somewhere you think you really know the place. To have that surety taken away from you, it puts you in a very interesting situation. You never really knew the place at all.

Dudar: Plus it makes you question yourself.

Soares: Exactly. But can we really know a place? Can we really know another person? Reallyknow them? There’s always going to be some part of them you’ll never see.

Dudar: So, we’ve met HEK and Bellows, but for me the most sinister character in the book is an old lady named Edna Caldwell.

Soares: Little old Edna? What’s so sinister about her?

Dudar: Seriously? Part Four of this novel is excruciating because of her.

Soares: You thought so? I kind of felt sorry for her.

Dudar: Really? Why?

Soares: She’s trying to control the world around her, trying to complete something, and it’s so difficult.

Dudar: Yes, but where HEK seems to be the head of the hierarchy and Bellows is the begrudging servant, she seems the most steeped in dark magic.

Soares: Agreed. She is definitely as steeped in it as HEK is. There are times when you could wonder who’s really the boss.

Dudar: That was exactly my thought. Between these three in the hierarchy, they feed Reddy just enough information to keep him strung out, with no intention of letting him go.

Soares: Oh yeah, he never knows the full story–he’s only seeing part of it–what they want him to see.

Dudar: It feels like we’re still only scratching the surface of the twists and turns of this book, so I’ll maybe ask two more questions. First, almost ALL of your writing contains a fair amount of graphic violence and sexuality, and this one sure doesn’t disappoint. You’re very good at using it to move the story forward. Is that fair to say?

Soares: Yeah, it’s definitely part of what makes up my style—sex and violence are just part of day to day life in my stories, I guess. It’s like there’s nothing shocking about (these elements), something matter-of-fact. They’re just there.

Dudar: I’m inclined to disagree…I think a large portion of readers might be shocked. But I would say that’s a comment on our puritanical society. Do you feel like you’re writing the kind of stories you’d want to read or are you more conscious about the reader’s response to it?

Soares: Oh, I definitely feel like my writing is my voice, and I’m writing what I want to read. If it doesn’t please me, then how’s it going to please anyone else? I have to “feel” it. It has to feel genuine to me. And, to return to your previous question, I think the graphic sex and violence is not as shocking as it would be in the “real world,” for lack of a better word. It’s more taken for granted in what I write. It’s just part of who these characters are.

Dudar: It works because it feels realistic. And like I said, Part Four of the book left me reading with my jaw wide open.

Soares: I’m really glad to hear it. It’s always fulfilling when your writing elicits a strong response from someone. That’s what it’s all about. Affecting the reader in some way.

Dudar: Again, huge congratulations for BURIED IN BLUE CLAY. This really is my favorite book of yours, toppling HARDto the number 2 spot. It’s a great book.

Soares: Thanks a lot, Pete. I appreciate the kind words. And I’m really happy you liked the book.

Dudar: What do you have in the works now?

Soares: I’ve been working on a kind of vampire/voodoo book for the longest time. It’s the slowest thing I’ve ever written, just seeping out a tiny bit at a time, but it’s coming out well. Just very slow. And, of course, these “vampires” are nothing like the traditional kind. I always like to put my own personal spin on things.

Dudar: I can’t wait to read it. And I’ll be seeing you down in Providence later this summer for NecronomiCon. You’ll of course have copies of the book for sale there?

Soares: Yes, I will. Looking forward to it.

Dudar: Thanks again, my friend, and much success.

Soares: You, too.

© Interview copyright 2017 by Peter N. Dudar

 

(Originally published April 21, 2017 on peterndudar.wordpress.com)

Let’s talk about childhood terrors, shall we?

Let’s talk about deep-seated, scarring trauma in the form of bedtime stories. You know the ones that have been passed down from generation to generation, originally penned by people with frightening names like The Brothers Grimm or with pleasant, sanctified names like Hans Christian Anderson. They’re the bedtime stories with subversive messages about morality and judgment upon wicked children who didn’t listen to their mommies and daddies and do as they were told. It sure made an impression to hear the tale of Hansel and Gretel, the brother and sister whose daddy married an awful woman that convinced him to lead his children deep into the woods and leave them there when food became scarce. The siblings, of course, nearly met their fate at the hands of a witch who wanted to fatten them both up and eat them for dinner. Fortunately for the two, that tale managed to scrape up a happy ending, but Holy Moly, why would we tell that story to our sons and daughters?

Or the tale of Thumbelina, who was nearly forced to marry against her will? Or the Poor Little Match Girl, who froze to death after using up the matchsticks she was supposed to sell to keep warm? Or Little Snow White, whose stepmother wanted her murdered over vainglorious beauty? Or The Girl Without Hands? Or The Sandman?

The crucial element to nearly every one of these stories is that life’s dangers are very real and profoundly unjust in their severity. And in their own way, they are our introduction to mortality. After all, we’re not meant to live forever and perhaps the sooner we learn this valuable lesson, the more prepared we are for this callous, unforgiving world. Moreover, like I’ve suggested above, they are the hammer and chisel in our parental toolbox for shaping our children to be obedient and grateful. Our own mommies and daddies seem like saints compared to the often wicked matrons and feeble, spineless fathers in fairytales and nursery rhymes.

But hey, at least they’re honest. After all, a quick look through the local section of the newspaper is all the proof you need. Pinocchio rescuing Geppetto from the belly of the whale isn’t really that far off from a five-year-old dialing 911 when his mom accidentally overdoses on heroin. We see the archetype of parental redemption in all corners of literature, from The Odyssey to Star Wars. But when the archetype applies to life as we live it and understand it, it becomes abundantly clear which life lessons prepared us for what we’re dealing with.

Oh yeah, and then there’s the whole thing about “Happy Endings”. They do happen, from time to time, when the downtrodden damsel defies a wretched fate and marries the prince. Or when Pinocchio becomes a real little boy. Or when the peasant is rewarded for his kindness and falls into the realm of the “Happily-Ever-After”.

Enter H.P. Lovecraft.

Nearly two centuries after the passing of the Brothers Grimm, Howard Phillips Lovecraft made his own contribution to literature by creating a mythos of eldritch gods whose powers and sovereignty transcended the scope of time and space. Originally penned for early 20^thcentury pulp magazines like Weird Tales, Lovecraft’s works sought to penetrate inexplicable horrors within the realm of the human psyche. Lovecraft’s world seems to also be defined by subversive moral lessons, pushing more towards obedience and reverence to science and rationalism rather than God and parents. In Lovecraft’s mythos, very rarely do we find happy endings. There are only unspeakable horrors that await us, and make us wish for death.

Which brings us here to the 21^stCentury.

Crystal Lake Publishing is about to release a new anthology in May of 2017 titled TWICE UPON AN APOCOLYPSE. The book is a collection of tales in a universe where bedtime story Fairytales are married with the Mythos of H.P. Lovecraft. It seems like a very logical union, if one were to stop and ponder it…after all, the moral lessons have not changed over all the generations since mankind first started inventing fiction. There’s a painfully true proverb about mankind repeating history, and again, all the proof you need is right inside your newspaper. And as an author, it was a delight for me to dabble in a form of storytelling I’d never tried before. My tale for the book is titled “The Three Billy Goats Sotheth”, and it concerns an ancient troll who lives under a bridge in a world where horses and carts were replaced with cars and trucks; metal beasts that cared not if he tried to stop them from crossing. Of course, with the dawn of a Lovecraftian Armageddon sounding and the approach of the reawakened ancient ones, the troll seeks to reclaim his long-past sentry over humanity.

There are a lot of familiar fairytales in this collection. You’ll come across giants and beanstalks and mermaids and pipers and, most assuredly, Cthulhu,Yog, and all the other eldritch gods who’ve been slumbering since Lovecraft shook loose his mortal coil. You’ll also find very familiar writers within the horror genre: Armand Rosamilia, Bracken MacLeod, Don D’Ammassa, and Scott Goudsward, to name a few. These are today’s storytellers, who have not given in to genre-bending or “mash-up” hackwork but have used their craft to redefine the Fairytale in an homage to one of the founding fathers of horror fiction. It’s been an honor to be associated with this book, and even bigger honor to pass down a fairytale to my daughters. And perhaps one day they will pass it down to their children, so that I might embrace a moment of immortality in a “Happily-Ever-After” of my own.

I hope you will check out TWICE UPON AN APOCOLYPSE from Crystal Lake Publishing. I will post links as its release approaches.

PND

(Originally published March 8, 2017 on peterndudar.wordpress.com)

Sometimes I have to pinch myself.

When I look back to the beginning of my writing career, it always felt like I was a fish out of water; that I was an isolated vessel on a sea of authors also trying to get published.  This business is everything you’ve heard it to be.  It’s turbulent.  It’s frustrating.  It’s at times excruciating.  It can wreak havoc on your self-esteem and leave you broken and humbled.  A lot of writers give up and move on, never to be heard from again.  Others keep going.  And eventually, success finds them.

It was the thrill of a lifetime the day my first acceptance letter arrived.  It arrived like a gift from the gods, and felt like vindication after the scores of rejection letters that had cluttered up the bottom drawer of my filing cabinet after so many years.  I remember reading the letter over and over again and feeling as if I’d finally gotten my foot in the door, and that my craft had finally reached a level where I would be taken seriously as a writer.  That first acceptance is a giant milestone in any writer’s career.  In spite of all the words you may have written and all the stories you’ve completed up to that point, it’s that first sale that marks the beginning of your publishing career.

And then you mature.  You make your next sale, and the one after that, and then the next, and suddenly you have a bibliography.  And suddenly you become aware of the caliber of writers that you are now appearing beside in the Table of Contents.  It feels like you’re living in a dream when your own work is sitting in an anthology along with some of your literary heroes.  I have to pinch myself to make sure I’m not dreaming that I’ve appeared in books with authors like Rick Hautala and William F. Nolan and Tim Waggoner.  I find myself wondering how I got this far and whether or not I belong here.  There are a lot of A-list authors in the horror genre, and to read their work and see how much better it is than your own will either inspire you to work harder and do better or it will send you packing.  For me, the answer is to try harder and prove my worth.  Quitting is not an option.

But finally, you reach a point where you come full circle.  I’m at a place now where the names in the TOC aren’t as important to me as the quality of the stories being presented.  Stephen King once wrote, “It is the tale, not he who tells it”, and that line has become a credo for me.  Where I’m at now is a place where I take greater pleasure in seeing the names of my friends and colleagues in the genre appearing beside me in not just one but numerous anthologies.  We call ourselves “Antho-buddies”; an endearing term I picked up from my good friend Tony Tremblay.  It gives me so much satisfaction and pleasure not only to watch my own career grow, but to watch the trajectories of some of my closest friends as their careers grow.  The milestone isn’t that I was published in a book, but that we shared the experience together and got to revel together as each new review appears on Amazon.  That is an amazing feeling.

Where I am right now is on the proverbial eve of publication for NORTHERN FRIGHTS, An Anthology of the Horror Writers of Maine.  This book is a collection of very dark tales by authors from my home state.  It is me with members of my writers group The Tuesday Mayhem Society.  It is me with fellow authors who do group readings like the Midcoast Halloween Reading Series.  It is me with new friends from the HWOM and old alums from the New England Horror Writers.  It’s US.  And this is OUR beast.  For some, it will mark their first acceptance, and that is a really big deal.  I congratulate you sincerely and am happy to tell you that if your work was selected, it means your work is good and you belong.  It is my privilege to call you my Antho-buddy, and I hope that continues in the future.  Where I’m at right now is overflowing with pride.  I am blessed to work with some very talented people and NORTHERN FRIGHTS is a testament to that.

I have to pinch myself because where I’m at is pretty damn exciting.  And if I AM sleeping, please don’t wake me.

Wishing success to Duane Coffill and David Price of the Horror Writers of Maine for conceiving and making this book a reality, and to Michael Evans of Grinning Skull Press for taking a chance on us.  And to each and every author involved, my undying love and respect.  Congratulations one and all.

(Originally published September 15, 2016 on peterndudar.wordpress.com)

The Ghost of John Lennon

By

Peter N. Dudar

            Kasim knew a thing or two about time, having spent most of his adult life running the clock repair shop his father opened on Ventura Boulevard.  He took over the shop in ’68, during the Summer of Love, back when the hippy movement blossomed to the north in San Francisco.  It was subsequently the same summer that his father Mohmod al Abdul was diagnosed with lung cancer from chain smoking Marlboros ever since he and his wife Zainab immigrated into America.  Kasim had discovered The Beatles years before the doctors discovered the black spots riddling his father’s lungs, but he’d suspected something was wrong when his papa’s breathing became raspy, and then congested, leaving him doubled over his workbench as he coughed and heaved.  Kasim would fold over the white cloth that nestled the cogs and springs of whatever was being fixed to keep them clean of his father’s germs, all the while patting Mohmod’s back and asking in a terrified voice, “Are you okay?”

Now, at sixty-nine years old, Kasim was once again walking in his father’s footsteps now that he’d been diagnosed.  And trips like this one, what healthy senior citizens might have referred to as a vacation or a sabbatical, he considered a pilgrimage.  With the repair shop sold off to some young Latino couple (who planned on turning the old store into a tanning salon), and his own wife, Noora, predeceasing him by nearly ten years, the trip was now or never.  After all, how many chances did you get in life to travel to Manhattan and follow the final footsteps of John Lennon?  He knew a thing or two about time, and time was now growing short.

He hadn’t counted on the TSA hassling him as he made his check-in at LAX; saying something about him purchasing a one-way ticket and wanting to know what his plans were in New York City.  They claimed up and down that it had nothing to do with racial profiling or the fact that he moved funny when he walked (he could have explained that radiation and chemo had kicked the living shit out of him, but what did it matter?  It was none of their goddamn business, anyway.).  In the words of the young man in the starched and pressed blue uniform, “It’s all random, and I’m just doing my job.  We have to keep everybodysafe.”

It hadn’t bothered him (well it had, but not enough to get angry over) that they dragged him over to a cordoned off area beside the gate and went through his suitcase as the other passengers rubbernecked.  It was that they’d taken his portable CD player and the few albums he’d brought with him and scattered them carelessly across the floor.  The disk on top actually made him smile.  It was an album titled REVOLVER, and how funny was it that, had they been paying attention, they could have held the disk up and shouted, “See?  Toldja he had a weapon!” Because that’s how America worked now.  Any asshole could legally obtain and carry a gun, and way too many of them did.  But if a person of color tries to go through the airport…

Kasim hated guns.  In fact, he loathed them with a passion.  And so did John Lennon.  The one Beatle who preached that “All You Need is Love” and “Give Peace a Chance” was also the one that was shot dead outside his home in the Dakota Building on West 72^ndStreet.  Kasim had been repairing an old Ingersoll grandfather clock when the news came on the black-and-white television his papa had mounted above the work bench, and it felt like the wind had been knocked out of him.  This had been December, 1980, long after Mohmod and Zainab were laid to rest in a dreary, overcrowded cemetery in Los Angeles.    Kasim sat down on the floor and wept until Noora had to leave the front show room and see if he was okay.

When they finally let him board the Boeing 787 and take his seat, he retrieved a book from his carryon and leafed to the part about the Dakota building.  That was going to be his first destination, once he got checked into his hotel and caught up on some sleep.  The Dakota is the first and most historic of the upscale apartment buildings in Manhattan.  Lennon and his wife Yoko Ono owned several apartments in that building, and that was where his favorite Beatle had retreated to so that he could try and sober up and be a father to his second son, Sean.  In the book, Yoko mentioned seeing the ghost of John Lennon on several occasions.  She claimed he would sit behind that white piano he used to record his Double Fantasyalbum on, and when she entered the room, he would look up at her and tell her not to worry, that he would always be there with her.

Wouldn’t that be something? Kasim thought as the other passengers boarded and took their seats.  Wouldn’t it be amazing to see Lennon’s ghost…even for a second or two?

He was replacing his book and digging out his CD player and MAGICAL MYSTERY TOURwhen the young, portly fellow in the muscle shirt and denim shorts waddled down the aisle, stopped at his row, and frowned.  Kasim could feel the suspicion radiating off this stranger, who was obviously going to be occupying the window seat beside him.  Kasim offered a polite smile and stood up so that the guy could stuff himself into his seat and get situated so that the plane could taxi over to the runway and take off on time.  The stranger watched him with vigilant eyes through most of the flight, particularly those moments when Kasim would pull his carryon bag out from under the seat in front of him to swap out his Beatles disks.

Give peace a chance, my ass! he found himself thinking after the umpteenth time of catching the stranger’s hateful eyes gazing on him.  What the fuck happened to America once the Summer of Love ended?

 

*****

 

Kasim al Abdul checked into the Hilton Hotel on the Avenue of the Americas and found his room on the sixth floor.  The hotel was pricey and a bit more upscale than he’d have normally booked, but what the hell?  This was his pilgrimage, and there was nobody back home to inherit any of the small fortune he’d amassed for himself after nearly fifty years of clock repairs.  There had also been a tidy life insurance check after Noora passed away (she died in a car accident driving to an In-and-Out Burger to pick up their lunch one unseasonably hot April afternoon.  Kasim cried as the police officer in the starched blue uniform told him the news, but it hadn’t been the inconsolable sobbing he’d wept when he heard the news of Mark David Chapman killing his favorite Beatle).  Kasim was never one for fancy possessions or high living.  He’d had friends and he’d had customers that came and went, but in the end, he discovered that the Muslim religion his parents worshipped never really measured up to the preaching of John Lennon.  “Imagine no possessions,” Lennon crooned in his most popular solo song.  “Yes, I think I can,” Kasim believed, and it was liberating.  While the world around him fought to keep their rights and their material objects, they became slaves to them.  Western culture was chock full of futile irony.

Kasim paid a visit to his bag of pharmaceuticals and doped himself up good and proper on Ambien before falling asleep that night.  Lo and behold, it was one of the most peaceful slumbers he’d ever drifted into.  SERGEANT PEPPER had barely reached “Fixing a Hole” when the last vestiges of consciousness floated away into a sweeping polychromatic picture show of dreams.

 

*****

 

This is going to be the best day of my life,he thought as he passed through the Hilton’s lobby and turned toward West 72^ndStreet.  I haven’t felt this alive in so, so long.  Not since…

Not since he said farewell to Noora.  It had rained on the day of her funeral, and he could remember standing beneath the little tent the cemetery had set up over her plot.  There had only been a handful of people in attendance, her friends mostly, and he could still remember them all holding him up so that he wouldn’t collapse as her casket was lowered into the dirt.  At her memorial service the evening before, he’d arranged for the song “In My Life” to be played.  It had been their wedding song, much to the chagrin of Noora’s parents, who wanted traditional Iraqi music rather than anything Western sounding.  This had been just after Paul McCartney officially announced that the Beatles were through and that he’d formed a new solo act with Wings.  The announcement had been a bitter blow to him, even though he knew the Beatles weren’t getting along at all anymore.  The animosity between John, Paul, George, and Ringo had been legendary.  John was accusing Paul of writing “grandmother songs”.  The other Beatles were tired of Yoko showing up and interfering with the dynamics of the group.  George was already over the hippy movement the band was spiraling into. Ringo was refusing to play.  They were no longer a band.  They were now strangers moving in different directions.

Of course there was animosity, Kasim thought.  The Summer of Love came and went.  America was still in Vietnam and the world was in chaos.  By the time the Summer of ’69 came around, The Beatles were pretty much done.  There would be no appearance at Woodstock or farewell tour.  Only a short-lived stint on a rooftop in London in January of 1969 that would become the basis for LET IT BE.  John and Yoko would have their famous bed-in in March of 69, and then he’d fall into his “lost weekends” with Harry Nilsson and Keith Moon and Alice Cooper.

Kasim stopped along the way for a bagel with lox and some coffee.  His hunger had returned, and he found himself savoring every bite.  It stunned him to realize how many meals he’d eaten over the course of a lifetime where he never even bothered to notice how delicious something tasted.  It seemed like he spent his meals just stuffing his face without thought as the music swirled around him.  Now the flavors came bursting through; the smoky flavor of salmon and the salt and crushed onions of the bagel.  There was a television dangling from a gantry in the far corner of the bagel shop, and on it came the report of another suicide bombing in Iraq, with ISIS claiming responsibility for the dozen or so lives taken.  And from the tables around him came the bluster of white American citizens denouncing those heathen Muslims and their extremist religion.  Hearing their comments reminded Kasim of the man back on his flight, who refused to lower his gaze of suspicion the whole time they were in the air.  He could sense fear and hatred radiating off the people around him, and decided to take the rest of his breakfast to go.  Kasim exited the shop quietly and made his way toward Broadway, which he would follow right up the west side until he reached West 72^nd.

He had the book about the Dakota Building in his back pocket, and he fished it out and skimmed on, reading about the famous celebrities who lived in the building at one time or another; Leonard Bernstein, Boris Karloff, Gilda Radner, Jack Palance, Judy Garland.  Hollywood stars, musicians, artists, showmen.  All a dying breed of opulence and fortune as life in America was still changing.  The middle class was shrinking.  The number of impoverished was rising.  People were angry and fearful, all the time.  Lennon could have had all the money in the world but that didn’t stop the bullet that took his life as his Japanese spouse watched in terror.  Wasn’t that a line from the end of ABBEY ROAD?  The one about the love you take with you in the end?  Mohmod and Zainab al Abdul were loved when Kasim saw them buried.  The same with Noora.  He’d loved her deeply, and missed her every day she was gone.

Who would love him once the cancer finished spreading through his body and claimed him?  Ever since his beloved wife passed, he’d remained alone.

Kasim pushed the book back into his rear pocked and moved along.  He was so close to his destination.  This pilgrimage he embarked on was moving him both physically and emotionally.  It felt like everything he knew about life was wrong, misinterpreted, and after nearly seventy years on the planet, it was all finally making sense.

 

*****

 

Kasim veered off Broadway onto Central Park West.  The traffic was much crazier than anything he’d seen in Los Angeles, but that was okay.  It seemed like there were crowds at every intersection, collecting together in clusters just to help him cross safely.  He tried to make eye contact with the people around him, but it seemed as if they avoided it.  It felt taboo, and in those moments he did try to establish some kind of connection with any of them, they dropped their head down to the heels of the people in front of them and soldiered on.  He wondered if they’d have done the same if John and Yoko were passing by.  Would they smile in delight and try to make his acquaintance?  Would they even recognize his presence?  Would they…

The man with the Bushmaster AR-15 hustled out of the copse of trees along Terrace Drive, by the intersection of Park Street and West 72^nd.  There was a collective gasp as the group of New Yorkers Kasim was crossing the street with suddenly parted, allowing the man in the green army jacket and faded jeans to push forward, his hands slinging the weapon from his back and into the crook of his right shoulder.  His eyes narrowed into slits as if the sun was burning them, and his mouth was pulled into a ferocious triumphant grin.  Before Kasim could even fathom what was happening, the man drew a bead on his torso and squeezed the trigger.  Kasim was still standing as the first three bullets ripped through his belly.  He was toppling backward into a hot dog vendor’s cart as the next few rounds ripped through his lungs and shoulders.  People were screaming all around him as the gunman moved closer, yelled “Fuck you and fuck Allah!” and pulled the trigger again.

As Kasim’s body toppled to the ground and his final breath hissed from his ruined lungs and out his mouth, he saw the silhouette of the Dakota Building resting peacefully across the street.  The light above him grew brighter, and he felt his spirit beginning to rise out of his corpse.

Another figure approached, floating swiftly across the street as the frightened citizens fled off in every direction.  The gunman sat down quietly on the curb with his weapon cradled in his arms.  The man was slowly rocking back and forth, laughing and crying at the same time as the line of police cars pushed past the traffic up and down Park Street.

The ghost of John Lennon stopped abruptly at the dead man’s side, held out his hands, and lifted Kasim up to his feet again.

“You have nothing to worry about, my friend,” the ghost whispered to him, its eyes sparkled with calm and eternal acceptance.  “We will always be here.”

The two phantoms floated off past the screaming onlookers and the gunman who was being cuffed and tossed unceremoniously into the back of one of the police cars.  They passed quietly through the gates to Central Park and into Strawberry Fields forever.

It was just another day in America.

(Originally published June 28, 2016 on peterndudar.wordpress.com)

My friend Tony Tremblay just released his first story collection, THE SEEDS OF NIGHTMARES, and I want to tell you why that is important to me.

If you’re a horror writer, and have attended either AnthoCon or Necon up here in the great northeast, you’ve probably seen him.  He’s the guy with the graying beard, reading glasses, and baseball cap, who spends his time at conferences divided between shooting a gazillion photographs of his peers during the afternoon, and then drinking scotch and puffing cigars in the evening.  His ear is always bent  toward any conversation about the craft of writing or the state of horror, and he always has that satisfied grin and twinkle in his eye when those conversations include authors he admires and respects.

You see, Tony is an erudite fan of genre fiction.  So much so that you’ve perhaps read some of his myriad review columns, penned under the pseudonym T.T. Zuma.  He now also cohosts a cable network program called The Taco Society Presents, which focuses on genre authors reading their work and being interviewed about the craft of writing.  Tony has worked to promote the careers of LOTS of us horror writers, and that includes myself.  When my debut novel was released in 2012, Tony wrote a very positive, very flattering review for me.  He’s continued to review my new releases ever since, always offering praise and words of encouragement.  And again, I’m not alone.  There’s a running joke that Tony Tremblay is the nicest guy in horror, but there’s so much truth to it that the comedy is lost on me.  He’s just a lovely fellow who happens to love reading horror.

And writing it.

Tony and I have had the privilege of being “antho-buddies” in several different anthologies now, and I have to confess that I take a great deal of satisfaction in that.  The man can write.  You see, this guy has probably been reading horror for longer than I’ve been alive, and he’s had plenty of opportunity to hone his craft into something quite sensational.  Let me elaborate; many of us that pen horror tend to fall into the pretentious trap of thinking we’re the gatekeepers of fear.  We act as if it’s OUR job to plumb the darkness and expose those demons and bogeys, and then lead our readers by the hand so they can safely peek into the darkness as well.  While we’re all doing that, Tony Tremblay has quietly been picking apart the strata of humanity, learning about our fears from the inside-out, and exposing the networks of anxiety and loss and desperation and chaos.  His stories aren’t just visceral, but often profoundly unnerving and tend to resonate long after reading them.

THE SEEDS OF NIGHTMARES is a very satisfying collection.  The opening novella, “The Strange Saga of Mattie Dyer” is a Lovecraftian western concerning an unearthly hole in the ground and how it plays out when a gold prospector gets doublecrossed.  “Something New” (possibly my favorite from the collection), is a tragic existentialist nightmare in a purgatory that crosses Ray Bradbury with Albert Camus.  “Tsunami” is an almost scathing treatise on Christianity, with ramifications that left me replaying the story in my head long after I’d read it.  “Chiyoung and Dongsun’s Song” is a Korean fable that really captures the oral tradition of storytelling…one I’d have liked to hear Tony reading aloud.  “An Alabama Christmas” digs deep into those old TALES FROM THE CRYPT magazines, where the story’s dreadfully ironic conclusion would be sending that old Crypt Keeper into gales of laughter.

There are other stories as well, all of them very satisfying in their own right, which brings me to why this book is important to me.  For all the kind words and encouragement Tony has given me in helping my own career, I’m thrilled to be able to pay him back.  Not with feigned praise or disingenuous words, but with the confession that Tony is a far better author than myself.  I admire and respect his writing and enjoyed THE SEEDS OF NIGHTMARES  a great deal.  Congratulations, my friend.